|  health information  |  health factsheets

Print-friendly version

Bullying at school

Bullying happens, however much we dislike the idea. But the effects of bullying can last into adulthood, so it’s important that everyone helps to protect bullied children.

What is bullying?

Bullying at school, and elsewhere, can take many forms, including violent attacks, threats, name calling, social isolation, hitting, tormenting and humiliation. If children are persistently bullied, they can develop low self-esteem, shyness, depression, suicidal feelings and their academic work can start to suffer.

How can I tell if my child is being bullied at school?

Things to look out for include:

• changes to usual travel routines
  
  
• reluctance to travel to school alone
  
  
• excuses to avoid school: tummy aches, headaches...
  
  
• standards of school work declining
  
  
• crying before sleep
  
  
• stammering
  
  
• nightmares
  
  
• starting to steal
  
  
• unexplained cuts, bruises and scratches
  
  

What can I do if my child is being bullied at school?

With your child’s agreement, talk to the school. Start by making an appointment with your child’s form teacher, and explain what has been happening. If you feel that you're not making progress, talk to other members of staff, from head of year, to head teacher, in that order.

For the sake of accuracy, make notes of dates and conversations, and keep copies of all correspondence.

Your overall aim is to work with the school. Stay calm when you talk to them; don’t get confrontational or aggressive - just be clear about what is happening.

Keep a diary of events based on when the bullying started and when it happens. Keep talking to, reassuring and supporting your child.

You may need support and advice too, as this won’t be easy for you. There are a number of organisations with helplines for parents and children who are victims of bullying (see Sources of Information and Support below).

What if my child doesn’t want to tell the school?

Don’t be surprised if your child wants to put the brakes on the process once she has told you. Getting the school involved will seem like a big step.

It is a good idea to set a time limit, so that if the bullying isn’t resolved in, say, two weeks, the school will need to be involved. In the meantime, suggest that you talk informally to other parents to see whether the bullying is widespread.

If your child is hesitant about approaching her form teacher, ask if there is someone else in the school she could talk to - a teacher she likes, the nurse, the school secretary, the head... anyone she feels she can trust.

If your child is insistent that you don’t complain, you should respect that decision. Stress that it’s best to report bullying, but don’t push too far - you risk your child keeping future problems to him or herself (There are more tips on what you can do below.)

What can the school do?

All schools should have a disciplinary procedure in place that covers bullying, but the actual content of that policy will vary from school to school. Your child’s school might already be using strategies to:

• confront the bullying behaviour and make it clear that it will not be tolerated; as a last resort, bullying behaviour can result in exclusion from school
  
  
• hold class discussions on bullying and regularly promote values which reject bullying and reward good behaviour
  
  
• create a ‘bully box’ for pupils to put in notes about being bullied
  
  
• get an outside body such as Kidscape to work with the school on anti-bullying strategies, which could consist of assertiveness training, role play work and awareness raising for whole school, from pupils, to dinner ladies, to the Board of Governors
  
  
• involve the whole school community in the creation of an anti-bullying policy and ensure that everyone signs it
  
  
• find out from the children where there are unsafe places and make sure they are well supervised
  
  
• develop projects, for example, to make the playground a happier place, and involve parents and pupils in designing and creating a playground with quiet places, organised games and high levels of supervision with specially assigned teachers and pupils
  
  
• use Personal and Social Education lessons to explore issues of self-esteem, bullying and supportingone other.
  
  

What can I do if the school doesn’t take it seriously?

Occasionally, you may feel that school staff are not doing enough. If that is the case write to the school’s Parent Governor or Board of Governors - they will be able to discuss the matter with the Head Teacher and keep you informed. If you are not satisfied, contact the Local Education Authority.

You should also get information from an outside body, such as Kidscape. They will not get involved with the school unless asked to directly, but they will be able to give you help and support (see Further information and help below).

If you feel that the situation warrants it, talk to your Schools Liaison Officer at the local police station. They may be able to help.

Your final option is to change your child’s school. Sometimes this is the only solution that has a lasting effect.

However, if at all possible you should work with the school, so that the problem is solved, not evaded.

How can I help my child?

One of the best ways to support your child is to arm them with strategies to deal with bullying behaviour. Then they have something concrete to work with. Try these:

• tell them that the best way to thwart a bully is to ignore the taunts and walk away. Role play doing this with your child as the bully, you as the victim, and then change roles
  
  
• think about why your child is being bullied. Is it because she needs to develop new social skills? Help her make new friends and build up her confidence
  
  
• discuss with your child when the bullying tends to take place and how to avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time
  
  
• reassure her that telling, and keeping on telling someone at school about the bullying, will help school staff to offer protection and support where it is needed. It’s important that you, and your child, believe that bullying should not be tolerated. No-one should have to put up with being in fear at school, and there are things that can be done to make your child, and all the others, feel safe.
  
  

Further information and help

Advisory Centre for Education:
For advice on bullying, the helpline is open Monday -Friday, 2pm-5pm on 020 7354 8321

Childline:
A free 24-hour telephone helpline
Tel: 0800 1111
www.childline.org.uk


Kidscape:
A charity that offers training, resources helpline and leaflets for dealing with bullying. Write to:
2 Grosvenor Gardens, London
SW1W 0DH
Helpline for parents
Tel: 020 7730 3300
Monday -Friday, 10am-4pm
www.kidscape.org.uk

February 2002

		Feedback on this factsheet Rate this factsheet Have you found the information in this factsheet helpful? Do take a couple of moments to give us your feedback. Click here to give us your feedback

		Information you can trust We use expert sources of medical information to research all our health information and it is checked and approved by medical professionals. Find out more about how we produce our health information

email a friend

bupa.com  | website legal notices  |  cookie policy  |  © Bupa 1996-2007  |  accessibility  |  contact us

back to top